Wednesday, August 19, 2009

sally's presidential manifesto

for those fed up with all the shenanigans of traditional filipino politicians, i am presenting this presidential manifesto by my friend, sally, who wants to finally put an end to the misery of the filipino people; bring justice where it is due, put food to the table of every starving families, and bring madonna to the philippines???

here is her manifesto...


My Manifesto: Why I’ve Decided to Run for the Philippine Presidency
By Sally A., future Philippine President

The answer is very simple: because I’m the lesser evil.

I will not make any promises. I will not make long speeches. Heck, I will not even run a campaign. However, I will be very clear and upfront with who I truly am and my intentions:

I may hold an Australian passport but I was born and raised in the Philippines. I moved to Australia because I decided that I’d rather pay taxes to a government that will use it for my benefit than to pay taxes to finance the expenses of the countless mistresses and second families of Philippine government officials.

I do not hold a doctorate degree in Economics from Wharton but I’m a CPA so I know how to balance accounts. I believe that as long as the credits in the government’s revenue exceed the debits (e.g. expenses to finance my shopping), then the economy should be fine. Who needs an economist???

I do not intend to solve the problems of the Philippines. I am not Jesus Christ. I just want to be the President and be able to experience power, prestige and money that the position brings. I think 6 years in office will address this personal desire. (I told you I was going to be upfront and at least you know I will not run again)

I will share the wealth to everyone and I mean EVERYONE in the country (except those who live in the following areas: Forbes Park, DasmariƱas Village, Ayala Alabang to be fair). If you need proof, check out my farm in Farmville, I always give gifts to everyone, even if they’re not my neighbors. I even give gifts to those not using Farmville, so it is possible that you could benefit from my presidency even if you’re not a Filipino!

I intend to hold office in New York or maybe Paris, or whichever City I decide in the future. I think we would benefit from the emerging culture of telecommuting. All I need is a 4-bedroom apartment in any of these cities. I think the rent will be much cheaper than having to maintain MalacaƱang.

Thank you and Mabuhay!

disclosure: i was promised a cabinet post if she wins. wink, wink...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

oh yeah, bringing madonna to manila is totally on my agenda...

-s - entertainment