Tuesday, May 26, 2009

hurricane katrina

as promised yesterday here are my reviews of the three entries to my one-night independent film festival featuring the works of vicky belo’s boy-toy and promising film director hayden kho. hey-den or high-den, however you pronounce it is up to you.

first to screen was the purported maricar reyes film.

the movie is standard hidden camera fare and starts off with hayden setting up his recording equipment inside what seems to be a walk-in closet (or a bathroom, whatever – i don’t care). our leading actress is already setup on the bed. hayden, already naked, appears and faces the camera as if to take a bow (it’s his movie, what can we do? lol)

apparently, hayden, the “director” didn’t want to be accused of peddling pornography, so we are treated to several wasted minutes showing the two stars eating something (was it hopia? lol). all we can hear from the badly-recorded audio is some inaudible murmuring.

finally, on the 10th minute, the two main actors begin carousing on screen.

now, how do i describe the scenes to you without going over my self-imposed pg-13 rating on this blog? let’s just say that our actors did not let the limitations of the small room hinder their exploration of the universe. the physical beauty of the human body has never been explored on film as thoroughly and explicitly as this one. the movie runs nearly 30 minutes but only about half of it has real action though.

like brillante mendoza, yes, the cannes-winning director, hayden kho has the tendency to park his camera on a blank canvas (are you still following me? lol) while capturing all the incessant sounds in the background. oh, btw, watch for the bed banging against the wall sound effect - it’s surreal. the last 5 minutes shows our main actor resting on top our main actress while the lowly air-conditioning unit hangs quietly on the wall, ably supporting the movie – great! :)

rating 3 stars out of 5

next to screen was the 20 minute exercise in experimental filmmaking starring a brazilian beauty and our prolific actor-director hayden kho.

typical of hayden’s scripts, the film begins with hayden setting up his camera equipment inside the same walk-in closet or bathroom. this time, our actor is fully clothed. he makes his typical opening bow again – let’s excuse him, he’s the producer, too. haha.

this movie is a disaster. hayden failed to setup the camera correctly and what we see continuously on screen is the shot of the same lowly air-conditioning unit which now takes center stage. occasionally, we see shots of our actors appear on screen, most noteworthy of which is when our actor appears to stand on top of the bed while our brazilian beauty seems to be doing the requisite nature-worship plot. but other than that - and the ambient sound of a skin slapping onto another skin, the film offers nothing.

there is actually a sense of dread while watching this film – you might be scared shitless with the thought of the air-conditioning unit coming to life and joining in the fun. wait! that would have been more interesting, hmmm... consider this film the worst film of the festival.

rating ½ star out of 5

the last movie to screen is also the best directed, the best acted and, surprisingly the best written. this is the purported katrina halili film.

the film begins with…. you know the formula - lol. the location has changed or probably just the lighting, i don’t know. the first 5 minutes shows our actor pacing about the room like he was looking for something. he is wearing black underwear. our actress apparently is still in the bathroom taking a shower or probably just taking a leak or doing number two (who knows, it was never explained). on the 5th or 6th minute, our actress finally shows up. she snuggles beside our actor, who is now stretched on the bed like a super hunk, duh! our actress asks that the lights be turned off (nice script!) but our actor pretends not to hear her.

and so they begin the love ritual. this 3rd film is simply the best of the three. gone is the annoying air-conditioning unit - although a mobile phone replaced it in the script. our actors must have trained several months before the actual shoot because the rigorous action sequences and physical calisthenics that the film has subjected them into is quite simply awesome. this could also explain that careless whisper teaser.

if you have seen that rosanna roces movie called “curacha” before then you’ll be surprised to know that this movie tops it (no pun intended – lol) – take that mr. rono! hahaha.

statlet halili displays all the nuances of her character “inside” and “out” – bravo!

the movie’s climax (pardon the pun, haha) finally answers the question that this film trilogy unintentionally posed. does he use condom at all? the 3rd film shows us the answer in very graphic detail. whoa.

rating 4 stars out of 5

if you are interested to know how to get a copy of these highly artistic works of art, leave me a note in the comments section and i will try to accommodate your request, that is as long as you don't tell sen revilla about it. deal? :)

by the way, if you are still wondering why on earth would vicky belo still take back this guy even after all these experimental films have surfaced, the movies will tell you why. wink, wink…. apparently, no scandal is worth any man who is “good” - wait, superb! at what he does. yikes!

today, the california supreme court votes on the prop 8 case. it’s the anti-gay marriage law. do you see any connection of this controversial law to today’s story? hi hayden! lol.

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